Bon Giourno?

Well I am suffering from a serious case of procrastination and apathy. I just can't seem to get anything done at the moment. I think it's because I'm such a goal oriented person. I always like to plan what is going to happen and where I'm heading.

I've been slowly coming to terms with how unlikely it is of doing medicine over here. The fees are just so high. It puts so much pressure on you to do well in the course and even afterwards. I read about one woman who graduated and works as a doctor but feels suicidal because of the pressure of debt from her student loans. I don't want that kind of debt haning over my head.

Also another reason is I don't want to have to get my mother as a guarantor on the loan. It's too much to ask of her. Especially as she has helped so much in my education up to now.

Soooo Irelands out, UK would be great I know that there are more grants etc available for students, but the fees are still high. Around £9,000.

Now I'm thinking of trying Italy where fees range from around 650-6500. That's the scary option of moving completely abroad.

I'm a shy person and I struggle with depression and fibromyalgia so the prospect of moving away from all my support systems to a country I've never been to and don't speak the native language is a pretty intimidating one!

I also have to take an entrance exam which requires knowledge of science subjects. Not great for me.

This all probably means I'll need to take another year out after this degree I'm doing to get ready for it all. I know I can't be impatient about something so important but I feel like I've been waiting forever to do this. It's just horrible.

I probably need to stop worrying and planning so much for the future and just enjoy the present a bit more but I actually don't know how to do that. I am always thinking ahead. Always!

Well better head off and try get something done either work or meditation or something! :P

:)

Lost Art of Blogging!

Afternoon!

I have been away from this blog for too long.

The reason being I have, and I suppose I still am, going through a massive period of doubt in my life. Not doubting wanting to pursue medicine. But doubting the timing of it all.

I have decided (somewhat resignedly) that I won't be able to take the GAMSAT in London this coming September. I just will not be ready.

I feel taking an extra year to prepare will not only help me achieve a better score, but it will also help me become a better person and ultimately a better doctor.

Apart from learning all of the scientific material etc required for the test, I feel I need to sort of "find myself".

My life is extrememly unbalanced and I am not really very physically or mentally healthy, and that definately needs to change if I want to become a doctor.

I don't really want to take a year off to be honest. I'm 24 this year and I feel like I have been waiting forever for my chance, but I guess I need to stop being so impatient and trust that when the time is right I will get my chance.

In the meantime I need to start living again. I need to shake off my depression and get back to reading books and newspapers, painting, going out with friends, taking walks and just generally BEING again. That's just as important as any hardcore study I think!

Anyhoo will update again soon! Results are out on Thursday! Eep!

:)

Emotional Stress Day Monday!

Afternoon!

I started off my day with romantic stress. A sort of break up if you will and I lost someone whom I care about a great deal. Definately not a good way to start the day.

I felt that I needed to limit the amount to influence from my private life on my career goals. In other words I needed to prioritise. I'm sure I come across to others as cold hearted at times, but I must keep my focus in tact.

It got me thinking though...I'm still quite upset and it's distracting me from study for my exams. Imagine what it will be like in med school! You can't pause for a minute to cry or sigh over anything. You have to push and get through it. Push it away and get practical, which is what I'm trying to do.

I think I have let my emotional life get in the way of my studies a great deal in the past, and I just can't let myself do that any more. I don't have the time to be depressed or sad!

Happy I can do though! :)

I'm trying to catch myself when I say or do something negative. Ha I never realised how much of a moan I am!

This change could take a while!

:)