Bon Giourno?

Well I am suffering from a serious case of procrastination and apathy. I just can't seem to get anything done at the moment. I think it's because I'm such a goal oriented person. I always like to plan what is going to happen and where I'm heading.

I've been slowly coming to terms with how unlikely it is of doing medicine over here. The fees are just so high. It puts so much pressure on you to do well in the course and even afterwards. I read about one woman who graduated and works as a doctor but feels suicidal because of the pressure of debt from her student loans. I don't want that kind of debt haning over my head.

Also another reason is I don't want to have to get my mother as a guarantor on the loan. It's too much to ask of her. Especially as she has helped so much in my education up to now.

Soooo Irelands out, UK would be great I know that there are more grants etc available for students, but the fees are still high. Around £9,000.

Now I'm thinking of trying Italy where fees range from around 650-6500. That's the scary option of moving completely abroad.

I'm a shy person and I struggle with depression and fibromyalgia so the prospect of moving away from all my support systems to a country I've never been to and don't speak the native language is a pretty intimidating one!

I also have to take an entrance exam which requires knowledge of science subjects. Not great for me.

This all probably means I'll need to take another year out after this degree I'm doing to get ready for it all. I know I can't be impatient about something so important but I feel like I've been waiting forever to do this. It's just horrible.

I probably need to stop worrying and planning so much for the future and just enjoy the present a bit more but I actually don't know how to do that. I am always thinking ahead. Always!

Well better head off and try get something done either work or meditation or something! :P

:)

Down and up again!

Good morning (for another 15 mins or so)!

Today is a semi-sunny Saturday here in Dublin. Today I am heading into work in the afternoon. So am going to try fit in some study now before I have to go.

After my entry last night, I have to be honest, I felt very depressed and discouraged about my being able to do graduate medicine.

It seems like I have not nearly enough time and I began to sincerely doubt my capability to actually pass the test and go on to med school.

I guess the fact that I have no real experience at studying chemistry and none at physics is what's getting me down. I am taking on two very challenging subjects from scratch this summer, while working full time and not only learning to drive but also getting fit and healthy both physically and mentally.

So I went to bed last night feeling really down. I wanted to talk to someone about what I'm going through but really nobody gets it. They don't get the passion and the willingness to work my butt off to do this. They think I'm just a hopeless dreamer....

What was I talking about...?

Ha no really it is frustrating facing something so terrifying alone.

I don't know if anybody reading this is spiritual or religious but I do believe in God. I don't know quite what I believe about God but I prayed last night and read the Bible (I don't consider myself a Christian I just like reading it, lots of reassurance and wisdom in it! ), and I just felt like this feeling of renewed determination came over me.

It may be difficult, it seemed to say, but if you want it you can do it. It will require a lot of changes on your part, but you can do it!

So I'm trying to focus on that positive feeling, and not on any self-doubt.

Well enough talking time to take action and go study for my exams!

Have a great day! :)

Ps. This is a quote from the Bible but you don't have to believe in God to apply it to your life. It's just about being positive and taking action. :)